This was now the perfect ending to a bothersome day and the wretched beginning to a further bothersome mood. This mood was already present, making her appearance earlier in the day, earlier when I had the stamina to keep her down. This mood was here, without doubt, with the promise of more, if permitted. This mood was like a stinking cauldron filled with rotten herbs and rancid ingredients, with a slow simmer to which more fuel was being added. Although feeling lonely, I was glad there would be no one with me in the car, when this type of mood has its way, it creeps out and clings on, never a very pretty sight. I've seen her before, and though not desiring to offer a seat belt for protection, I knew she was here for the ride.
"Did I remember to bring everything?" Of course not. "Would I do anything about it?" Not now. The amount of responsibilities and family things I was going to be missing were mounting in my mind, proving more and more that I should just turn around and return home. "Can't do that, can we" I grumbled lowly to myself. I had my toothbrush and all the essentials, everything else was icing to this crumbling cake.
"I'll get gas on the turnpike, the price is better." Except at the turnpike service center, which had forever been Sunoco, had a surprise for me. The incredible powers that be had made a national decision. They had, as of four days earlier, switched their gas company to a totally different one. Elmira? Aloha? Balermo? Torro, Torro? Valero, is the name and not accepting Sunoco, Exxon or BP gas cards is their game.
What to do, but delve into my dinner money for a gas loan to myself, "I'll just get a few gallons until I get..." Put another log on the fire.
So dinner has dissolved into my now cooling travel mug of decaf vanilla coffee, two biscotti I was saving for snack later that night and a bag of fruit snacks that were in the back seat. (I wasn't going to ask how long they had been there...they were still chewy and fresh...I guess.) Four drivers were very aggressive and swerving and driving very dangerously with a semi truck who was pulling a triple load. I was getting tenser behind the wheel, keeping my cool and staying safe...yet...the fire under this simmering cauldron just received another choice log of dry wood, prepared to burn and heat things up more. Simmering and driving, slowly maneuvering the highway through the dense, barely visible terrain, I now leave the turnpike for the country roads of rural OH.
A three hour trip with this cauldron bubbling and festering, roads not lit, signs not visible, all traffic approaching me has their highbeams on, I am a blinded, grumbling, complaining fool who sits and stirs this cauldron and checks on its progress. Adding more ingredients: I can't find the Chapstick I need for my sore lips, I tore a nail in the chapstick search, I notice my socks don't match, and go ahead - the weather is now freezing rain, perfect.
Arriving at my destination, close to time without a chance to stretch or talk or get a drink of water or use the facilities, I am a mess on the inside. My makeup may be fine, every hair in place, a fetching outfit, but unbeknownst to those around me, I brought my cauldron with me and make a place of honor for it right next to me, a special seat. I grab my folder and take my place with the others and we begin to sing...
We are facing this portrait, Jesus With Children . I have this portrait at home in a smaller, less elaborately framed version, and I always hang in on a wall in the hallways near my children's bedrooms. I am familiar and blessed by this pencil and color sketch of Jesus. So this portrait and these words from our collective group ring forth with words from T. Brian Coleman arranged by Kevin Norbury:
1. As water to the thirsty, as beauty to the eyes, As strength that follows weakness, as truth instead of lies;
As songtime and springtime and summertime to be, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
2. Like calm in place of clamour, like peace that follows pain, Like meeting after parting, like sunshine after rain,
Like moonlight and starlight and sunlight on the sea, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
3. As sleep that follows fever, as gold instead of grey, As freedom after bondage, as sunrise to the day,
As home to the trav'ler and all he longs to see, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
The portrait has children in it, but to me at that moment, Jesus was looking straight in my eyes, holding my face tenderly, and keeping the gaze. I needed to rely on the fact that I had the words and the alto part memorized for the written music was no good for me, my tears had blinded my eyes. He isn't laughing at everyone else jokes or witty remarks. His look of concern is the condition of my heart. I was thirsty for his patience and divine touch. My weakness was paramount, I needed His strength. I needed His peace, for my whole day felt like surmounting clamour, more and more. He isn't afraid of this terrible mood I've brought with me; I try to hide it but He reaches past me and claims it for Himself, saying, "Child this does you no good. I know just what to do with this." Jesus took that stinking, rotting mess and gave me a heart filled with His peace, and love, and joy.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. I John 3:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
Jesus answered the prayer I hadn't prayed yet, took away the burden I hadn't discarded yet and clothed me in His valuable character. Jesus is so beautiful to me.
1. As water to the thirsty, as beauty to the eyes, As strength that follows weakness, as truth instead of lies;
As songtime and springtime and summertime to be, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
2. Like calm in place of clamour, like peace that follows pain, Like meeting after parting, like sunshine after rain,
Like moonlight and starlight and sunlight on the sea, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
3. As sleep that follows fever, as gold instead of grey, As freedom after bondage, as sunrise to the day,
As home to the trav'ler and all he longs to see, So is my Lord, my living Lord, so is my Lord to me.
The portrait has children in it, but to me at that moment, Jesus was looking straight in my eyes, holding my face tenderly, and keeping the gaze. I needed to rely on the fact that I had the words and the alto part memorized for the written music was no good for me, my tears had blinded my eyes. He isn't laughing at everyone else jokes or witty remarks. His look of concern is the condition of my heart. I was thirsty for his patience and divine touch. My weakness was paramount, I needed His strength. I needed His peace, for my whole day felt like surmounting clamour, more and more. He isn't afraid of this terrible mood I've brought with me; I try to hide it but He reaches past me and claims it for Himself, saying, "Child this does you no good. I know just what to do with this." Jesus took that stinking, rotting mess and gave me a heart filled with His peace, and love, and joy.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. I John 3:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
Jesus answered the prayer I hadn't prayed yet, took away the burden I hadn't discarded yet and clothed me in His valuable character. Jesus is so beautiful to me.
1 comment:
that chapstick will get you every time! Indeed, "I will pour water on he (she) who is thirsty. I will pour floods upon the dry ground!"
Post a Comment